Facing his Demons
by greekrose
Summary: The only demons Alec can't seem to kill are his own. Malec fic. Warning: non-graphic slash and mentions of abuse.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own The Mortal Instruments nor do I own any of its characters.

I hope you enjoy this. It's just the first chapter of what will be a multi-chapter story.

If Magnus listened closely he thought he could hear Alec over the running water. But then again the sound was so faint it may well have been his imagination.

Magnus sat cross legged on his bed. Normally the oversized bed adorned with purple Egyptian cotton sheets and more than a dozen pillows in colors of gold and black and midnight blue brought peace to his overworked mind. This time however, if would take far more than Egyptian cotton to solve his problems.

The night had been just like any other. Alec and Magnus had had dinner together and afterwards had curled up in front of Magnus's enormous wood burning fireplace. Together on a deep ink green velvet couch Magnus had read aloud with Alec's head on his lap, absentmindedly brushing through the younger man's hair as he read.

As the quickly dwindling fire turned to smoking embers Magnus let his hands wander from Alec's hair and come to rest on either side of his face. Alec in turn looked up at him with those enormous blue eyes of his and Magnus couldn't help placing a gentle kiss on Alec's perfect lips.

From there things had escalated pretty quickly. It didn't take them long to find their way to the bed, it took even less time for Magnus to practically rip Alec's shirt off of him exposing his chest and chiselled abs as well as both new runes and the thin white scars of runes that had once been. Alec never one to be outdone quickly found the hem of Magnus's black fitted black leather pants. Being otherwise occupied he didn't notice the handcuffs that appeared in Magnus's had with a small burst of blue light. Magnus had then gently taken Alec's hands from his pants and raised them over his head. Alec had looked at Magnus curiously with his piercing blue eyes but Magnus silenced the unspoken question with a deep kiss. Pulling away with a smile he quickly snapped the handcuffs through the wrought iron bars of his elegant and intricate antique headboard and around Alec's wrists. There had been the briefest of moments when Alec's face went blank processing what had just happened and Magnus gave him a mischievous smile. Magnus's smile however, lasted only the smallest of moments longer than Alec's stupor.

Magnus would live many years but he didn't think he could ever live long enough to forget the look in Alec's eyes at that moment. Something snapped behind his deep blue eyes and before Magnus could even frown his younger lover was screaming and thrashing. The warlock was so shocked that it took far too many moments before he actually heard the words Alec was screaming.

"GET THEM OFF!" Finally broke through the haze of confusion swirling around Magnus's head.

Blinking Magnus finally had the presence of mind to unlock the cuffs. With a snap of his fingers the cuffs unlocked with and Alec had nearly knocked Magnus off the bed as he scrambled out from underneath the warlock and raced into the bathroom locking the door behind him.

It had not been long after locking himself in the washroom that the shower had been turned on. Magnus had been frozen in the same place Alec had left him, still trying to process what had just happened.

Over the sound of the shower Magnus thought he had heard the occasional sob, but the sound had been so short lived he could not be certain. It was another twenty minutes before Magnus herd the shower turn off.

Magnus quickly looked around the room, the midnight blue walls looked even darker now that the twilight was ending and night was finally upon him, but the room was still aglow with a warm light from the golden stars adorning the walls that had been enchanted to twinkle in the dark. Clothes belonging to both Alec and himself remained on the plush white carpet where they had been abandoned in the two men's trek to the bed.

He had always loved the view from his room, it was quite spectacular. Through an enormous window that made up an entire wall of his bedroom. His view city was like an ever changing painting, during the day it was alive with the ebb and flow of people, and at night it was alight with life. Before he had met Alec he would lay awake and watch his ever changing painting.

Magnus would always remember the first night Alec had stayed over. The warlock had looked from Alec's face peaceful in his slumber to the city beyond his walls and been shocked. The view he had once thought breathtaking was now hardly worth a second glance. With perfection quietly sleeping next to him his painting alive with life seemed …trivial.

The door of the bathroom swinging open with a small creak roused Magnus from his reverie. Alec's black hair was wet and plastered to the side of his face. For a second Alec met his boyfriend's eyes but quickly looked away, not quickly enough to hide the shame that shone through them.

Magnus just watched as Alec who was still clad only in his boxers silently crossed the room and grabbed his well-worn dark grey sweater off of the floor and pulled it over his head. As his hands emerged from the ends of his sleeves Magnus caught a glimpse of the bruises already forming where Alec had so viciously fought his restraints and felt the sour taste of guilt bubble up behind his lips.

"Alec…" What ever Magnus was planning to say was lost to him the second Alec looked at him.

Alec's normally bright eyes seemed to darken just as the sky had, filling with more emotions than Magnus could count. More than anything else though, the young shadow hunter just looked tired. Silently Alec climbed back into bed and let Magnus envelop him in his long arms the younger man's head coming to rest under the tall warlocks chin.

They stayed like that for hours. When Alec finally spoke his words were quiet and heavy with exhaustion.

"Do you still love me?" he asked and Magnus could feel Alec's warm breath on his neck.

"Always." Magnus breathed back.

When Alec had finally drifted to sleep Magnus looked at the city once more. He had seen this city rise out of nothing ness, and would probably see it crumble into oblivion one day. One thing he knew for sure was that when the last piece of this city finally crumbled into ash and was swept into the wind, his heart would still belong to Alec.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not on The mortal instruments nor do I own any of its plot lines or characters.**

**Thank you for the reviews and follows/favorites, I hope you enjoy this chapter. **

"Not that I don't enjoy a quiet morning," Magnus said as he poured himself another glass of orange juice, "but are we ever going to talk about this."

Across from him Alec frowned. He had been very quiet from the moment that he rolled out of bed. Though Alec had never been much of a talker, his level of silence could earn him place among Tibetan monks.

"It was nothing." Alec finally replied not quite meeting Magnus's eyes

Magnus raised an eyebrow.

"Alexander."

At the use of his full name Alec finally lifted his eyes from his untouched breakfast. He had been trying to avoid the warlocks gaze all morning. Whenever those cat like beauties he had grown to love so much locked with his own he felt as if they were peering right into his soul.

"I just don't like that sort of thing." Alec told him`

"Remind me never to read you 50 shades of grey." Magnus mumbled under his breath.

"50 shades of… what does that even mean" Alec asked him his brows furrowed in confusion.

"And you call yourself educated." Magnus retorted with a smirk, earning himself a small confused smile from his boyfriend.

Though he was not entirely sure he wanted to drop the subject he could sense that he would get nothing more out of Alec. Deciding to cut his loses Magnus let Alec change the subject. He only half listened as Alec told him of his latest exploits in the world of shadow hunting. As Alec talked Magnus was happy to see the darkness had seemed to have left his eyes, but still his smiles lacked that crinkle in corners of his eyes that marked true happiness.

Magnus had left promptly after breakfast. Normally Alec would try to convince him to stay, bat his long black eyelashes and smile but today he let the warlock leave without a fuss.

Alec went back to the shower the second the door closed behind Magnus. He sat on the floor and let the water wash over him, wishing it could wash away memories as easily as it did dirt. But memories were far more concrete than that, so real that he could almost feel them, so real he could almost smell the sweat, they far were too real.

Without really knowing why Alec grabbed a wash cloth and began to scrub, he scrubbed until his skin was raw and red, until it hurt. Of course the dull sting of his skin was nothing akin the burning pain that lurked in the darkest corners of his mind, but this new and tangible pain was one he could handle.

Alec stayed until the water ran cold, and then a little longer still. When he finally stood from the shower floor his knees cracked and stung from inactivity.

Alec shivered as the cool air hit his wet skin. He quickly grabbed his jeans and pulled them on along with a brown hoodie with a hole worn into the elbow. Alec knew he should do something, like visit Isabelle and Jace at the institute, or study demon language, but instead he found himself crawling back into the safety of Magnus's bed.

Magnus trudged up the stairs to his apartment with his spell book under one arm and a bag of Chinese food in the other. He knew very well that Alec would most likely be at the institute at this time of day but he had still gotten enough food for two.

With a spark of blue at his fingertip Magnus unlocked his door and slipped into his apartment. The warlock scanned the apartment for signs of his boyfriend and upon first glance found nothing, that was until he kicked off his knee high neon green combat boots and saw Alec's own, marginally less interesting, boots still sitting by the door.

Magnus now both curious and concerned set down his things and began to quietly search the apartment. He was going to call out for the young shadow hunter but a quiet whisper in the back of his mind told him not to.

A smile played at the corner of Magnus's lips when he found Alec asleep in his bed. Magnus had always loved to watch Alec sleep, it was for the most part the only time he saw the younger man's face free of worry and weariness.

Not wanting to disturb Alec peace Magnus slowly crept from the bedroom. The warlock now thinking of his far too empty stomach returned from the kitchen and started dig into the Chinese he had brought home. He was not even two bites in when he heard a sound that he had never in his extraordinarily long life heard before, Alec screaming.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own the mortal instruments or its characters.**

Alec was already awake when Magnus dashed into the room. His screams had ceased and now he sat eerily still only his heavy breathing pierced the silence.

Magnus moved silently across the room and sat beside Alec on the bed. Alec with his head in his hands, black hair falling over his eyes did not look up. The warlock put his hand on Alec's back in what he hoped would be a comforting gesture and had to suppress a "yuck" when he felt that Alec's shirt was soaked with sweat.

"I don't suppose you've changed your position on the whole talking about it thing?" Magnus asked.

When Alec lifted his head it was with such a guarded expression that Magnus couldn't help but remember the first time he saw Alec. When he had first met Alec, the blue eyed shadow hunter had been so burdened by his secret that he had kept everyone at a distance. Magnus had thought that that those walls had been demolished, but looking at Alec now he realized just how mistaken he had been.

"It's not-"Alec begun but was quickly silenced by his cat eyed boyfriend.

"Please don't say it's nothing." Magnus pleaded, the raw sincerity in his voice shocking Alec, "Alec darling, haven't we been through enough, haven't I proven to you by now that you can trust me."

Magnus could see the struggle raging behind those stormy blue eyes, and when Alec stood and walked into the bathroom for a moment he thought he would lock the door just as he had the other night. He was more than a little surprised when Alec called from inside the bathroom.

"Well are you coming?"

Magnus knowing all too well not to push Alec just sat on the cool marble counter and silently watched his beautiful boyfriend. Alec had gone not to the shower as Magnus had expected, but instead to the large claw foot bathtub and turned the water on.

Alec turned and looked at Magnus expectantly and the warlock understanding slipped out of his black skinny jeans and bright purples silk button down top and stepped into the tub sighing as the warm water enveloped him. Magnus watched patiently as Alec turned out the lights and lit their collection of sandalwood scented candles. Magnus couldn't help but stare as Alec undressed. The soft golden glow of candlelight washed over Alec softening his looks, his countless scars seemed to fade and only the new runes were visible. It was clear that Alec was trying to speed along the process of undressing as he always did. Alec unlike Magnus, who enjoyed putting on a good strip show, never seemed quite comfortable in his own skin. Magnus who smiled as he let his eyes rake over Alec's perfect muscled body couldn't see what the shadowhunter had to be self-conscious about.

Alec sighed just as Magnus had when he slipped into the water. He settled between Magnus's legs resting his back against the warlocks' chest.

They sat like that for a while before Alec spoke.

"I trust you."

"I should hope so, seeing as we're taking a bath together." Magnus replied with a smirk.

"I just handle thing better on my own." Alec continued ignoring his boyfriend's remark altogether.

"I'm not going to force you to tell me anything but can I at least give you some advice?" Magnus asked wrapping his arms around Alec.

Alec nodded his head before leaning even further into Magnus as if to sink deeper into their embrace.

"You think you handle things better on your own because you have always had to. You never learned how to express your feelings to others, even the people you love, so now it feels unnatural and uncomfortable. You don't have to do that anymore, I'm not one of your siblings, you don't have to protect me, and I'm not going to judge you."

"There was no one." Alec spoke softly eyes damp, "Jace pretends to be ok but he is so burdened by his own past and problems that it felt wrong to go to him, and Izzy is my little sister it's my job to protect her. My parents were always reminding me I was the oldest, I was supposed to protect them, but who was protecting me. It's not right."

"No it's not right, and it's not fair, you were a child and you have every right to be upset." Magnus told him.

"Do I?" Alec said so quietly that Magnus almost didn't hear him, "I was supposed to protect them, and I left them, I left them with that psycho and now Max is gone." Alec's voice cracked on his final words.

Mangus had to hold back tear of his own and swallowed the lump rising in his chest before he spoke, "Alec, you did what you thought was right. You saved a lot of people that night, and no one could blame you for something that Sebastian did."

"I should have been there." Alec whispered not seeming to hear his boyfriends words of comfort, "Maybe I got what I deserved"

"What do you mean, got what you deserved" Magnus asked fearing the answer.

"I failed to protect them. Maybe that's why no one was there to protect me." Alec explained, his voice as cold as steel, "Maybe it was all some cosmic joke, like the universe knew I was going to fail"

"Alexander lightwood, you deserve everything this world has to offer and more. You are the most kind hearted, loving, and wonderful person I have ever had the privilege to know. You never have and never will deserve anything bad."

Alec didn't say anything more. He just cried.

Magnus tightened his arms around Alec as if he were keeping Alec from breaking apart. Alec shifted in his grip so that his head was on Magnus's shoulder, his face buried into the warlock's neck.

Even as the water turned cool Magnus held Alec. There in that cold tub with Alec's tears running down his chest into the cool bathwater he knew for certain that he would rather follow Alec into the dark the live in the light without him.

**Note: Sorry I know it has been a little while since I last updated. This one was kind of hard to write because it felt so personal. It took me a long time to realize that just because I wasn't used to sharing my feelings didn't mean that it was wrong. Anyway I wanted to thank those who commented and thanks all of the people who followed and favorite the story and me.**


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